Sometimes the world is just against you

Let's be frank here, people. The holidays are a very trying time when it comes to the subject of weight loss. Late December is a gorge of eating, then there's New Year's Eve, then there's New Year's, then there's the inevitable heavy drinking involved when Northwestern wins its first bowl game in 64 years (Ed: Go Cats.) and combined with all of this is the fact that it's just so damn cold outside and you start thinking and extra layer or two of cellulite might not be the worst thing in the winter months.

You fight through that shit.

You need to push yourself through the easy exits so you can actually make some progress in losing weight -- or at least keep yourself in check while you pound down loads of empty calories. Fortunately, while I haven't made much progress in getting the number on my scale lower through this most dangerous time of the year, I've managed to keep myself from going too overboard. However, now it's time to take a deep breath and focus. The holidays are over, I'm in the clear, and with the exception of my grandmother's birthday next weekend and the Super Bowl, there is nary an eating holiday in sight for me until late March, when I enter a brutal stretch in which my family and Judaism force me to endure about 87 food-heavy celebrations in seven weeks. Yes, Passover and the birthdays of my uncle, mother, father and step-mother all fall within close proximity, which means before those days hit I need to get some serious work done. We're talking "be in the 180s by mid-March" work.

I didn't think that would be too hard since I've made pretty solid progress over the first six weeks of this stupendous journey, but right as I walked into the gym on Jan. 2 to get my most pivotal period of weight-loss underwear I saw something on the door to the elliptical machine. It was that notice you see in the top right of this entry, a warning that if I should so much as dare to jump in the pool, I will not be allowed to for ten full days while it undergoes "annual routine maintenance."

Now that is some bullshit right there.

In the Shawshank Redemption Red tells everyone after the suicide of Brooks Hatlen that the strange thing about prison walls is that after a while, rather than be intimidated by them or fearing them you start to depend on them. The same could be said for the tools we use to exercise when we're trying to slim down. At first those treadmills and ellipticals and free weights seem intimidating and we come up with any excuse we can to avoid them. But get into a routine and soon you don't understand how you can live without them. When I go through 24 hours without working out now something feels wrong beyond the standard of innate laziness. I feel like I haven't gotten something I need.

When the possibility of using one of those tools is ripped away from us unexpectedly for ten whole days that just throws our whole world into chaos. After all, how am I supposed to make a push to break through this weight plateau and achieve some steady progress without my dearest swimming pool available to me? Sure, I can still jog the six days a week I've been jogging, but since I started this venture I've generally also swam three days a week when time has permitted. On days I could squeeze a swim in, which during this impending 10-day stretch of poollessness will be seven of them, I burn an extra 542 calories by swimming 40 laps. Not swimming for these seven days means there will be 3,794 calories I could have burned that will instead be going straight to my, well, wherever it is these calories go when they're just being stored in my body.

That just can't stand.

I've managed to navigate the first two-thirds of this week with some semblance of sanity and consistency, but it's hard not to fall under my neurotic convictions that my weight-loss plan has been deleteriously affected by my building's decision to close the pool without any warning whatsoever. This did not help. Not with leftover bags of chips and fancy cheeses sitting around my apartment during the NFL playoffs. It's almost as if I've been set up to fail.

Wait a minute. Take a deep breath. Come on, in and out. Easy. Ok. Maybe this isn't as bad as it seems. Perhaps my joints could use the rest and this has simply been a necessary test of my own self control when it comes to my diet. I'm probably failing that test since I'm eating here tonight, but at least I'm taking it. If I do end up failing it, I guess it just means I'll be spending more time on the elliptical and, in all likelihood, much more time in the pool.

Just, I guess, not for four more days or so.

CROWD-SOURCED WEIGHT LOSS PLAN Day 48!

Days until wedding: 164
Target weight: 175
Starting weight: 219
Weight today: 205.4